The Danger of Being a People-pleaser: 5 Practical Ways to STOP IT

Are you wondering about or living in danger of being a people-pleaser like Martha Conner?

Martha Conner, a twenty-five old lady born in Texas, has lived all her life pleasing people.

She always tries to do things to make her friends and family happy, even if it means she has to do stuff she doesn’t want to do. 

For example, if her friends ask her to go to a party she doesn’t want to attend, Martha will say yes anyway because she doesn’t want to disappoint them.

Learn from Martha’s Story 

That’s just one example, but Martha does this all the time. She’ll take on extra projects at work to help out her coworkers, even if it means staying up late or working on the weekends. She’ll offer to run errands for her family members, even if it means putting off her plans or activities.

While it’s nice that Martha wants to help others, sometimes she does it too much. And often, that leaves her tired and stressed out because she’s doing so much for other people. 

If only Martha practically admits that it’s okay to say “no” sometimes and to take care of herself too. I mean, she doesn’t have to do everything for everyone all the time.

5 Danger of being a People-pleaser 

The danger of being a people-pleaser can be psychological, mental, or physical and be very profound when not managed or addressed. It punctures your self-confidence, leads to fear of rejection, amongst others. 

In other words, being a people-pleaser can be dangerous for several reasons. These are some of the things that could go wrong:

#1. Loss Of Identity

Usually, people-pleasers try hard to make others happy, even if it means giving up their needs and desires. 

While it’s nice to try to make others happy, people-pleasers often do it so much that they forget about their feelings and beliefs. In other words, they might change their identity or belief system to make someone else happy, even if it’s not what they want or feel.

And can be confusing and make it hard for them to know who they are and what they want for themselves. That’s why it’s essential to ensure that you’re not just doing things for others all the time. But instead, take time to think about your feelings and what you want to do.

#2. Burnout and Stress

One of the signs of a people-pleaser is that they want to make others happy by all means. And try to do many things for them. While it’s good to make others happy, people-pleasers often go to extremes to get the validation of others. 

So, they might take on too much work or tasks just to be helpful and make others happy. And that can make them feel exhausted and stressed out. Because it’s tough to meet everyone’s expectations and keep up with everything. 

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#3. Difficulty Setting Boundaries

People-pleasers have a hard time saying “no,” because they don’t want to disappoint people. As a result, others may take advantage of them. And that means someone might ask them to do something they don’t intend to, but they say “yes” anyway. 

When that happens frequently, people-pleasers feel like they don’t have control over their lives. Also, they struggle with setting boundaries. 

Boundaries are rules you set (for yourself) to ensure you’re comfortable and safe. For instance, you can set a boundary by saying “no” when someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do.

Especially when someone asks you to do something unsafe or that goes against your beliefs. 

#4. Resentment

As a people-pleaser, when your efforts to do something nice for someone or others go unappreciated, sadness eats you up. Unfortunately, that’s the experience of many people-pleasers in their seemingly ending quest to make others happy.

And when that happens over time, you might feel like people are taking advantage of you or not appreciating your efforts. And in all honesty, that can make you feel bad, angry, frustrated, or sad.

Additionally, when people-pleasers start feeling that way all the time, they can start feeling resentful toward the people they are trying to please. And that can put a lot of strain on relationships because it’s hard to feel happy and connected with someone when negative feelings are involved.

That’s why everyone with people-pleasing tendencies needs to take care of themselves too, and not just focus on others all the time. Because that can help them feel more balanced and prevent them from feeling resentful toward others.

#5. Lack of Fulfillment

Since people-pleasers always try to make others happy, they are more likely to feel like they’re not living their own lives.

But that’s true. It’s hard for you to truly be happy or be self-fulfilled when you don’t do what makes you happy or pursue your goals and dreams. And often, you may start to feel like something is missing. 

That said, people-pleasers need to remember that it’s okay to put themselves first sometimes and to pursue their own goals and dreams. That’s because when we do things that make us happy and fulfill our needs, we can feel more satisfied and live fulfilled lives.

Above all, while you need to be kind and considerate towards others, it is also important to prioritize your own needs and goals. That’s because striving to please others at the expense of your well-being can lead to many negative consequences.

How To Deal With The Danger Of Being A People-Pleaser

Sometimes it’s good to make other people happy. But if you always do what others want and don’t think about what you want, it can make you feel bad. Here are some tips to help you not always say yes to others:

1. Set Healthy Boundaries

Learn to say no when you should, and don’t do too much for others if it’s too hard for you. It’s okay to take care of yourself. So, do not burn your skin to make others happy.

2. Practice assertiveness

Speak up for yourself in a nice way. This means saying what you think and feel, but in a kind way.

3. Reflect On Your Motivations

There is a thin line between being kind and being a people-pleaser; what I call motivation is my book, People pleasing and Anxiety.

So, you must think about why you always want to make others happy. Do you want them to like you, or are you scared of being left out? It’s crucial to understand your feelings so you can make better choices.

4. Practice Self-Care

Self-care is what many people-pleaser find difficult to do. But to overcome people-pleasing tendencies, you must learn to take care of yourself by eating well, sleeping enough, and doing things that make you happy.

In addition, practice mindfulness and live a life of gratitude. 

5. Get Help

Additionally, you must admit that seeking support is okay. You can do that by talking to someone you trust, like a family member or a counselor, about how you feel. 

That way, they can help you find ways to feel better about yourself.

And if you’re looking for a people-pleasing book to read, you can get my short book.  

Final Thought On The Danger Of Being A People-Pleaser

Now that you’ve learned the danger of being a people-pleaser, don’t forget this word of caution: 

Remember that being nice to others is good, but not if it makes you feel bad. But learning to apply the following tips, as already considered, can make you happy, healthy, and fulfilled.