control your short temper
Partners facing conflict in their relationship

How to Communicate Frustration in Your Relationship [Expert Guide]

Are you trying to figure how to communicate frustration in your relationship? Without causing irreparable havoc?

It’s true you may have read a book and seen a movie or even attended a seminar on the subject of relationships. Yet you’re worried, longing to discover how to communicate frustration in a relationship. In a natural way, without going through heartbreaking experiences.

First, you don’t need to be hard on yourself.  Take a deep breath… knowing you’re not alone.

Because that is the same experience thousands of adults go through every day. They don’t know how to communicate their feelings and emotions to your partner. Without causing deeper wounds in their relationships.

Indeed, no relationship is void of disagreements and occasional conflicts. But where the problems lie is.. the inability of partners to communicate their frustrations in their relationships. And as a result, lots of relationships have lost the sweet savor they once had.

In this article, we will look at:

  • What is Frustration
  • Causes of Frustration in a relationship
  • How to Communicate Frustration in your Relationship [Step-by-step]


What is Frustration?

According to the Oxford dictionary, frustration is  the feeling of being upset or annoyed as a result of being unable to change or achieve something . In other words, it is a mental state. And it makes a person feel helpless, anxious, stressed, and even angry. Because of a particular situation, subtle or obvious.

So, in a more simple term, one can refer to a frustrated person as someone furious about a thing or so many things. But in this write-up, we will focus on anger in a relationship and how to deal with it.


Causes of Frustration in your Relationship

Many things can create a feeling of frustration in a person towards one’s partner. Yes, a lot of them. But usually, frustration springs up in a relationship through conflicts between the partners. Whether they’re engaged or married.

Yet, there are some underlying cause(s) why partners get frustrated in their relationships. And they include:

  • Money
  • Sex 
  • Incompatibility
  • Poor communication.
  • Entitlement mentality
  • Infidelity
  • Amongst issues that lead to heartbreaking conflicts

But before we get into the step-by-step expert guide on.. how you can communicate frustration in one’s relationship, take a moment to do this:

A practical example of a relationship in frustration

Imagine this scenario:

As married couples, Fredrick and Jane have been together for the past seven (7) years. 

During their courtship period, they had lofty goals for themselves. They dreamed of raising beautiful kids and enjoying financial freedom. So they could buy their dream home somewhere close to Miami. While they have a good lifestyle, traveling and touring different cities, states, and nations around the globe.

But unfortunately, in the last three months, Fredrick has been laid off from his workplace, where he has worked for almost two years. And now he hasn’t been able to get another job, and there are bills to pay. 

They have tuition fees to pay for their two sons, Greg and Benjamin. And they are four and two years old.

Now, Jane, who has conceived again, feels frustration in their relationship. And thus, she now exhibits some of these behaviors toward Fredrick:

  • Passive aggression
  • Criticizing or blaming Fredrick at every slight opportunity
  • Raising her voice in their conversations 
  • To mention a few.

Guess you are ready to ask yourself some questions at this point?

Relax. You will have time to pour out your thoughts soon.


How to Communicate Frustration in Your Relationship [Step-by-step]

Learning how to communicate frustration in a relationship requires practical efforts from anyone. Like Jane and Fredrick, thousands of partners today are experiencing a similar event in their lives. But below are the five (5) ways to express anger in your relationship:


#1. Trace the source of the frustration

Trace the source of the frustration or irritation is the first step in dealing with frustration or anger issues in a relationship. As the saying goes, you can only solve a problem only if you’ve identified its root and cause. 

Thus, like Jane, you may want to ask yourself these questions to know the source of your frustrations:

  • Could it be you’re frustrated by life and the challenges inherent in life? As a result of the anxiety of having these bills and that bill to settle?
  • Could it be you’re bothered about a health challenge? It could be personal health, children’s health challenges, or be that your partner.
  • Could it be that you’re slamming on your partner your frustrations from external things?


#2. Communicate with your partner

After doing a thorough and honest reflection on step #1, you need to take a bold step. Start a communication with your partner about the issue of concern. In an attempt to kill the heartache you’re feeling from not speaking up.

In doing this, you must be assertive and direct yet respectful.

In other words, you should approach your partner to communicate how they feel. And not resort to actions like stonewalling, pass aggression, and snubbing, among others. But that’s what many will do.

The truth is that all those things may make them feel good in a short while. But they’ll cause more harm than good in the long run. That’s because no one was born a mind reader. The reason you must open up and communicate your frustrations with your partner.

Thus, that is why good communication between partners is crucial.


#3. Give Your partner room to explain themselves

After you have communicated your feelings and emotions in a calm, compassionate way, you should then listen to your partner.

Yes, at this point, you must listen to your partner, allowing him (or her) the room to explain himself (or herself). At this step, even if your partner must have acted wrong, you act with maturity.

Give them listening ears— to hear their reason for doing whatever they did. 

With this gesture, you’re telling your partner that you’re in control of your feelings and emotions. Thereby obliging him to do that the same way. And with the knowledge that you’re trying to be empathetic, they will explain the reasons behind their actions.


#4. Be a good judge

At this stage, after actively listening  to your partner and whatever they had to say, it is time to be a good judge. Yes, a good judge, but how?

At this step, you should take time to rationalize and analyze the whole situation. To put your emotions and feelings into perspective. Even as you ask yourself some good questions like:

  • Is your Frustration or anger unjustifiable?
  • Is it worth allowing it to take the best of you and the relationship with your partner?


#5. Reach out for a compromise

At this point, you are ready to come to a compromise or unwilling to do so. But if you’re willing to resolve the conflict and sustain your relationship with your partner, the former will be the only option in your head. 

And for that reason, you discover that making your significant other feel bad or worthless doesn’t dampen your frustration. Because you know that it will do the opposite. Making the relationship with your partner sour the more.

That is why at this point, none of the parties would want to be making empty threats. Raising their voices above the roof. Or showcasing nonverbal cues that communicate anger or disrespect.



Frustration doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to build up. But how you communicate frustration in your relationship depends on your ability to communicate. It’s negotiation on its own— and of course, requires negotiation skills.

That said, it is important you’re sensitive and quick to identify the moment frustration starts setting into your relationship. It will help to curb situations that may degenerate and destroy a valuable relationship with a loved one. 



In that real-life scenario, what piece of advice will you give Jane and her husband, Fredrick? Do you think they have a lot to learn about how to communicate frustration in their relationship and home?


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