not in a relationship but more than friends

More than friends with benefits but not a relationship & 7 Sharp Signs


You’ve probably heard of the phrase more than friends with benefits but not a relationship, but you still don’t know what it means. 

And you’re wondering if you have been in such situations before without even knowing. Or perhaps, you’ve seen persons in your circle go through this wondering what it could be.

In this article, you’ll learn what more than friends with benefits means, the thrilling signs of such a relationship, and how you can enjoy this kind of connection if you want to.

Yes, if you want to.

That’s because there are threads entangled in themselves to the subject of “more than friends with benefits but not a relationship.”

Maya Angelou once said, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

But the question is, do Maya Angelou’s words apply to friends with benefits?


More than friends with benefits but not a relationship

While relationships come and go, many prove to have benefits. But today, many want to enjoy companionship, but only a few are ready to commit to a relationship 100%. 

And that’s why many are settling for friends with benefits(FWB) but not a relationship. 


Friend With Benefits relationship 

FWB has no high expectations or emotional attachments yet.

In other words, friends with benefits are a no-strings-attached relationship, as many will sometimes term it. Just fun, thrills, adventures, romance, and nothing more. No deeper level of commitment is as opposed to what is observable in a relationship between two people who are looking forward to getting married.

So when you say someone is a friend with benefits to someone, he/she is practically a casual relationship partner to the person. And thus, they both are not conditioned to be emotionally responsive to one another in the long run. 

That is because the parties involved in this type of friendship arrangement do not see themselves committing to work out something lasting beyond the level of casual friends with benefits.

And tells you for this relationship arrangement to witness any success, the individuals involved need to set their expectations straight. 

But to do that, some of these questions need to get answered by anyone who wants to get engaged in an FWB:


  • Do you want a friend with benefits (FWB) or a committed relationship? 
  • Do you only want to spend time together without pressure to do so? 
  • Do you only want a shoulder you can lean on when you’re down or need someone you can talk to whenever you want? 
  • Or do you only want someone to satisfy your sexual desire—and nothing more? 

Interestingly, all those are the common reasons—or just part of others—why friends with benefits thrive.

With that said, complications may arise when one party to this type of relationship starts to feel butterflies in his/her stomach at the thought or appearance of another person.

When that happens, you can refer to such a situation as more than friends with benefits but not a relationship.

And that takes us to the following subheading.


Signs of more than friends with benefits but not a relationship

American Author Leo F. Buscaglia, popularly known as Dr. Love, once commented: 

“A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself— to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.”  

While Buscaglia’s quote sounds appealing because of the emphasis on freedom, things can get messy with friends with benefits (FWB) relationship situations—for the same reason. 

However, some are the following signs you’re more than friends with benefits but not a relationship:

1. You start catching feelings

Friends with benefits or more?

One of the attributes of casual friends with benefits is the tendency for the parties involved to get in bed with each other. And due to this, one of the parties may start catching feelings for the other person when sexual engagement gets experienced. 

And that may eventually give room for jealousy, especially when it seems the other party is busy and probably hasn’t communicated to the other in the way he/she would love.


2. Want to spend more time with each other

Craving to spend more time with this person is another sign to look for when trying to figure out if you’re more than friends with benefits but not a relationship situation. 

But if the case is that you’re rapidly getting fonder with the other person and can’t wait for a hangout with him/her, then you’re stepping into levels more than friends with benefits. 

And if that’s how both of you feel toward each other, you guys may want to redefine your expectations of the relationship, which might lead to a more beautiful future for the two of you— who knows?


3. Willingness to be vulnerable to the other person 

Another sharp sign that you’re not in a relationship but more than friends is the willingness to be open to the person in question.

In other words, being willing to be open up to someone of the opposite sex can tell you you’ve walked beyond the crossline of friends with benefits.

At such a point, you’re fast dropping your defensive guard to this person in question, and you can tell him/her things about you without fear of getting judged or being talked down by your partner. 

Sounds interesting? 

But you’ll agree to have a deeply personal discussion with someone on various topics (including intimate ones) may be a profound precursor of a demand for a higher level of commitment. And that might be something you or your partner in this type of relationship don’t want.


4. Calling each other by name

You’re probably smiling at this point. And you’re asking, how does it fit? Or qualify as a sign of being more than friends with benefits but not a relationship? 

That is because most FWB relationships usually start by calling themselves their nicknames. 

But when they begin to launch deeper into more than friends with benefits but not a relationship, FWB gradually becomes comfortable with calling each other first names without hesitation or feeling awkward. And may even extend to calling each other their middle names.

That’s to say, more friends with benefits practically have good (and relatively sensitive) information about the personal life of the person they’re involved with.

5. More than sex

Many people always think friends with benefits exist to satisfy their sexual urges and fantasies. But more than friends with benefits but not a relationship is somewhat different, as a party (both parties) are beginning to invest their emotions into the relationship.

Thus, while parties to this form of connection feel they can lay down with others, more than friends with benefits believe, though not definite, that there should be more beyond the fun and romance that can get explored.

So if your expectation for an FWB arrangement shifts into a craving for intimacy and comfort (beyond sex), then you’re more than friends but not dating or in a relationship.


6. Ready to sacrifice

Sacrifice is one word that sums up the different ways of helping others without expecting favors in return. And interestingly, this is one of the signs you stand to notice when a friend with benefits is taking a new direction to a more than friends with benefits but not a relationship. 

Remember, sacrifice is something done out of one’s volition and not by persuasion or under compulsion. Thus, if you are ready to go out of your way to keep a smile on the face of the other person, that surprisingly may be a sign of more than friends but not in a relationship.

Meanwhile, low-maintenance friends do that too. That is because they know what empathy means. 


7. Holding of hands

Casual friends may not hold hands while working. Both when friends with benefits start to hold hands intimately in public, without any regard for what others might say or think— that could mean something different and intimate.

That may appear somewhat difficult to explain. But beyond holding hands, the accompanying body language (and emotions) poured out should tell if you’ve paced into a more than friends with benefits but not a relationship situation.

The real-life story of More than friends with benefits but not a relationship

Henry is a 32-year-old truck driver and makes a pretty good amount of money, which seems to fuel his flamboyant lifestyle, especially in his spare time. 

But beyond that, when it comes to listening and being empathetic, Henry was on top of it. He would win the heart of an angel.

And during one of his ever-long trips, he met a pretty lady Jessica, who’s three years younger than he. 

That was 8months ago. They had met in a bar. And ever since, they seem to have gotten along so well. 

They’re both relatively busy people. But Jessica is a type of lady that loves attention, which is her dominant love language. And that’s what Henry, as a single guy, has repeatedly shown her, particularly the last 5months after she broke with her boyfriend, who kept on falsely accusing her of infidelity. 


Playing the card of more than friends with benefits but a relationship 

But Henry, on the other hand, has been good at playing the cards of more than friends with benefits but not a relationship well. Aside from his ability to actively listen, he serves words of affirmation to Jessica a lot, which she also loves. They always leave her with a strong influence on her self-esteem.

Within that five months, Henry and Jessica met ten times and slept with her for half of those meetings. 

But now, Henry seems to be catching feelings for her. That even while driving lately, he hardly could concentrate. 

Little did he know. But do you think it would be best for Henry to take his relationship with Jessica to the next level? 



How do you know a friend with benefits has feelings for you?

He/she becomes free with you, with no intention to be deceitful. He/she can practically tell you stuff about their personal lives that barely would open up to an outsider. 

That’s because such a fellow has started seeing your part of their life.

how long can a friends with benefits relationship last?

The frank reality is that friends with benefits do not have any specific time as regards how long they can go on and on. That, essentially, has to do with the individuals. 

Some FWB relationships may last for months, while others may continue for years, as long as the individuals involved continually set their expectations straight in such a relationship.

How do you know it’s becoming a more than friends with benefits relationship? 

Emotional attachment creeps in. Which is a byproduct of sleeping with each other. And that’s because there is an emotional connection that sexual intercourse sparks up between two individuals. Thus, both of them long for emotional intimacy.

Signs he only wants to be friends with benefits? 

As a lady, spotting a guy who wants FWB and not a committed relationship is no rocket science. You simply know by his desire for sex whenever you are together. Because all he’s after is your body and not more. 

Do you think friends with benefits can lead to cheating?

The answer is a NO since there’s no string attached to friends with benefits. Cheating only comes in when there’s a committed relationship, not a casual relationship in which the parties want to enjoy freedom. 



Since you now know what not being in a relationship but more than friends means, you should go for what you really want for yourself. But if one is not ready for the drama that comes with a committed relationship or friends with benefits (FWB) arrangement, he/she may want to abstain from both. Or what do you think? Drop your thoughts in the comment section. 


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